Good morning,
Sometimes I will find myself just sitting on the couch, sipping my coffee, and blindly staring out the window. Obviously, I'm not really looking at anything, but rather just sitting and thinking. Kind of like my character Anderson finds himself in the second chapter of my book Dark. Unlike Anderson though, I don't find myself trapped in a horrible nightmare where there is dark and creepy creatures, it rains blood, and it's generally filled with terror. No, I sit there on my couch, dogs curled up next to me or under my legs and sleeping, and my thoughts just running around and around inside my head. Thinking about the next book, the next story, the next paragraph, or hell even just the next line I will write. Thinking about all of the different ideas I have. Thinking about all of the different books I want to create. Thinking about how tough this job is some days. Those moments where you're not getting any sales, no unsubscribing to your memberships, no one's reading your stuff, and you're not really getting any likes on any of your posts. It's a tough game, writing. You try not to let it bother you either. That lack of sales, subscriptions, likes, comments, and any kind of praise. You try to push on, create the next damn thing, work yourself down to the bone on it, and try to not let the discouragement bother you. You tell yourself "you just keep pushing on. You just keep creating. You just keep working on it. You just keep writing. You just keep going." But, sometimes, it gets a bit difficult to believe that. Sometimes, you want to just go crawl back in bed. Bury yourself under the covers and shut the world out. Hide yourself from everyone. But, you can't. Because that's giving up, and you're not giving up. You vowed you wouldn't give up, so you're not. As tough as it is, as much as it hurts at times, as much as you just want to say fuck it and quit, lay on the couch and do nothing, you push on. You write the next book, story, paragraph, or even just a single line. You keep going. You fight through the depression. You tell your stories. Why? Because somewhere out there somebody wants to read what you've created. So, you keep pushing and working at it. You ignore the lack of sales, the lack of subscriptions, the lack of likes and comments, and you just keep doing it. It's hard, and as much as you want to give up, you don't. This is the job after all. Some days are good, some days are bad, but you don't quit. You don't give up. You just keep writing and creating.
Those are the thoughts going through my head some mornings when I'm sitting there staring out the windows, sipping my coffee, and just thinking. Some days I push all of that negativity down, grab my MacBook, and get to work. Other days, I find myself letting it all seep inside my head, wondering if I'm approaching my marketing correctly, am I getting things out there correctly, am I pushing hard enough, and many other thoughts. On those days I find I don't have any real answers either. I don't know what the solution is. I guess just keep working at it. At least that's what I tell myself. "Just push harder. Just work more. Get your stuff done and out there for everyone to read." Is that enough? I hope so. At the end of the day I am my own worst critic. Judging myself and feeling like I haven't done enough. Haven't worked hard enough. Haven't pushed enough. Haven't bled enough onto the page. But, I have. I've spent countless hours working and creating. Going over things over and over again in my brain. Getting the words down. Creating the story, creating the character, building it all from the ground up. I've done the work. Built the scenes that will terrify you and chill your blood till it's ice in your veins. Is it enough? I certainly hope so.
I know a lot of authors face these thoughts at times and I'm not the only one. Sometimes though, it just gets a bit hard to keep pushing on. To see the lack of sales, subscriptions, likes and comments, and not let it bother you. To tell yourself that "that's OK", you just keep going, and not beat yourself up about it. Some days that's easier said than done. But, despite all of those negative thoughts, despite the depression I find myself in at times, and despite all of it, I'm going to keep writing and working at it. I'm going to keep creating, one word at a time. Why? Because I love this job. As tough as it is some days, as depressed as I feel at times, I still love this job, and I'm going to continue to do it.
Finished re-listening to all 20 episodes of Scars In Time by Tyler Bell from the 5th season of the Westside Fairytales podcast. I just love that story. I think this is the third time now I've re-listened to all those episodes again. It's just such a damn great story. The storyline is awesome, the sound effects and music are awesome, and you just find yourself immersed in that world following along with Ash Littletree and everything she goes through. Definitely one of my favorites and something I could re-listen to over and over again. I know it's available as an e-book, but if you're going to check it out I recommend subscribing to the Westside Fairytales podcast, then going back and listening to Scars In Time from episode one all the way through episode 20. It's just such a cool experience to listen to The audio version of it and hear all of the amazing music, voices, and sound effects that Tyler Bell created for that series. Definitely love it and a story I will continue to think about for a long time to come.
Currently reading: Behind Her Eyes by Sarah Pinborough. I'm on a Sarah Pinborough kick lately. She's just such a great author and I love her style. Also re-listening to all 3 seasons of the Impact Winter podcast. Amazing story, amazing sounds and affects, and just absolutely beautiful. I've already burned through season 1 and now I'm on season 2 already. Great show, give it a listen.
Currently listening: cranked up my Rap playlist for a bit last week. I may be 45 years old, but I still love listening to Rap music from time to time. I'm also enjoying the hell out of the new As Everything Unfolds song "Set In Flow". It's an awesome new song from them and I'm hoping it means there's a new album on the way sooner than later. I've also been enjoying Three Days Grace's new song "Dominate". Another damn great song from a damn great band. Cannot wait for their new album to drop I believe in August if I remember correctly. Also rocking out to the song "Into The Ether" by the band Esoterica. It's a new song from them, and I'm loving the hell out of it.
Currently watching: the wife and I are still working our way through season one of our rewatch of Breaking Bad. Love it, just love it.
Well, I'm going to go try to get some work done. This week our youngest daughter has some daytime camp things she's doing, so I will have pretty much most of the week here at home by myself during the day. So I'm planning on using that time to really kick some ass on the edits of my book Dark, and really make a dent in That progress. The best part, I don't have any appointments to go to either this week. So I can literally just sit and work and get stuff done. That's my plan anyways. MacBook in lap, coffee on table, and work work work.
So, I hope you have a wonderful Monday morning, your hot coffee is abundant, and you have a very wonderful week. I'm going to go fall back into the darkness again, work with my character Anderson, and see what bloody fun is in store for him. Shouldn't be hard to get back into that darkness either considering we have all of the shades in the house closed. Due to the temperatures here in Iowa spiking into the mid 90s and pushing the heat index over 105. So, for now, every curtain in the house is closed so the AC doesn't have to work so hard, and I'm submerged in The darkness. Which, I guess I do feel quite at home there. Take it easy out there, stay safe and cool, and I'll talk to you soon everybody, thanks.
Thank you for reading this weeks newsletter. I hope to see you back here next week. Be yourself, be original, and be bloody.
- Matthew R. Taylor